HELLO I AM SHERI 49. Or Sherrie. Or Shery.

I welcome you to my "web log" or "internet web site."

If you comment elsewhere I probably won't see it. Please comment here on the blog posts themselves if you want me to be sure to see your comment!

I'm writing an e-book for the "humor essay" category on Amazon. "Humor" is widely known to be the toughest genre of all. Conventional wisdom says "No one will buy a humor book by a non-professional comedian." Fuck that.

People. Are. Pigs.


This just in from Instagram. Because all my Instagrammings are verruh impoe-tint.

“Wheeeere DID you get those shoooooes?” Ugh! (Old Steely Dan lyrics, ftw)


This just in from Instagram. Because all my Instagrammings are verruh impoe-tint.

Debris We Have Debris

One road in and out. That’s all we have here at Hideola Estates.

And the roadway is also curved. A blind curve. A big-ass blind curve.

Not only that, our road is verruh “private,” as our snooty intolerant nitpicky HOA recently ANNOUNCED WITH AUTHOR-I-TAH.

Road’s barely wide enough, or safe enough, for two Amish carriages to pass each other in opposite directions, at three miles an hour, without unwanted sexual contact occurring between drivers.

You’d think residents would be “aware” of these conditions. You’d think that, in consideration of neighbors and safety and what-have-you, we’d keep the roadway, oh, what’s the word I’m searching for? Safe? Clear? Passable?

You see what happens, Larry?
You see what happens, Larry?

This mass of shit covered half the road, in the blind curve for weeks. Around here, the “county” can take a few weeks to come out and remove it. Technically I doubt they’re even under any obligation to do this because, STERNLY-WORDED SIGN says no.

Go back! BACK I SAY.
Go back! BACK I SAY.

Right about now you’re thinking, “Why the hell didn’t that idiot put his pile of shit on his own property, on his own curb? Like, on his lawn at the edge of the road like the rest of homeowners?”

You only ask a silly question like that because you’re not trained to think like a self-centered jackass.

ALL the rest of us do put all our yard crap on our own LAWNS, right at the edge of the curb, or even on the end of our own driveways. We each have to mow around our own piles on our own lawns until the truck comes by someday and picks it up.

The HOA requires each home to have an old board mounted to the exterior of each luxury home in Hideola Estates. This rule is strictly enforced.
The HOA requires each home to have an old board mounted to the exterior of each luxury home in Hideola Estates. This rule is strictly enforced.
It’s almost as if we innately “know” that other people exist: that they, or their visitors, might need to “use” the road. Plus we just don’t fuck with the Amish or the harried mail carriers. Sometimes the firetrucks need quick access to put out the fires caused by the wooden boards attached to the exteriors of our luxury homes.

So who sets their lawn trash in the road? Is it the same people who blast our house, driveway, and yard from dusk to dawn with their two elegant $39 unshielded 15,000-watt “security lights”? I just ask the questions.

Let’s analyze the the thought process of whomever did this:

1. “We don’t want our own shit on OUR lawn or driveway, so fuck you, drive around our shit for a few weeks.”

2. “I said, fuck you, drive around it.”

Yes yes, everyone else on the street puts their debris ON their own yard/lawn, near the curb. And when they needed to use the PRIVATE DRIVE NO SOLICITING NO TRESPASSING, they slowed way down and tried to see around the blind curve, then whizzed around the obstacle, carefully avoiding the carriages and firetrucks and the retirees out “walking.”

Me? I’m not exactly known for my patience. I didn’t wanna wait five weeks for the fucking county to haul the shit pile away. I bought a monster truck (“Big Black Meanie”) and drove that baby over the pile every day. Figured I was helping to decompose the thing. There may or may not have been children frolicking in the leaves and debris a few times. I did feel bumps but any debris pile will be lumpy and make squeaking noises under a monster truck’s tires. Main thing is, I worked with the existing situation instead of complaining to the HOA. We all just dealt with it and after a few weeks most of the kids turned up.